future sister in law from hell. what should i do?
getting marrierd 8-1-09 asked:
My fiances twin bro is married to this woman (we’ll call her K). I’m from New York &moved to Canada to live with my fiance.Does she hate me b/c i American? his parents have both passed away-which made her the mother-type. I thought she was threatened that i was replacing her. I met “K” I had the feeling she didn’t like me. I played it off as I was just paranoid. A few months ago I found out that “K” told my fiance she thought I was taking advantage of him after I moved in. She thought I was using him for a place to live &money, which i have never taken- we’ve always have separate finances. Well she never talks to me, wasnt excited about our engagement never says/does anything to make me feel part of the family. She invites my fiance over &excludes me (I come anyways) I offer to help &I get ignored. She is making his bro ignore me as well! my future bIL & niece are both in the wedding-how do i deal with her when she is obviously going to have to be involved w/ wedding plans?
I’m afraid that i’ll have to have her come with me when getting a flower girl dress and it will be awkward and she’s degrade everything about our wedding. Her mother owns a hotel and they had a beautiful wedding. My parents cannot afford as much and had 2 daughters to have weddings for where her parents had 1 daughter to pay for. so they could go more all out! i don’t know how to live through a day of shopping with her when i feel like she hates me!
My fiances twin bro is married to this woman (we’ll call her K). I’m from New York &moved to Canada to live with my fiance.Does she hate me b/c i American? his parents have both passed away-which made her the mother-type. I thought she was threatened that i was replacing her. I met “K” I had the feeling she didn’t like me. I played it off as I was just paranoid. A few months ago I found out that “K” told my fiance she thought I was taking advantage of him after I moved in. She thought I was using him for a place to live &money, which i have never taken- we’ve always have separate finances. Well she never talks to me, wasnt excited about our engagement never says/does anything to make me feel part of the family. She invites my fiance over &excludes me (I come anyways) I offer to help &I get ignored. She is making his bro ignore me as well! my future bIL & niece are both in the wedding-how do i deal with her when she is obviously going to have to be involved w/ wedding plans?
I’m afraid that i’ll have to have her come with me when getting a flower girl dress and it will be awkward and she’s degrade everything about our wedding. Her mother owns a hotel and they had a beautiful wedding. My parents cannot afford as much and had 2 daughters to have weddings for where her parents had 1 daughter to pay for. so they could go more all out! i don’t know how to live through a day of shopping with her when i feel like she hates me!
i have a sister n law from hell to. best thing to do is not let here push you around. stand up for yourself. shes prolly just a wimp inside
Wel l you COULD try being an ADULT about this….
Sit down with her, your fiance, his brother, all the grown ups, and discuss why she hates you so much that she’s trying to make you leave.
If you’re not willing to be an adult about this, then why bother marrying into the family?
talk to your fiance about it or HER.
i have a huge sis inlaw prob i say hugeeeee,,if u cant beat em join em and plz do join em!!!!!!!
Since you really have not done anything to offend her (the problem is obviously with her) don’t do anything now to offend her. What I mean is… Pretend that everything is GREAT! Like you like her and you think she likes you. (this may be hard but you need to do it) Call her up and ask her if she would like to go shopping for wedding shoes or to look at flowers. If she says no that is fine - maybe another time. Then a week later call her and ask something else again. Invite her to dinner. Tell her that her brother would like her to come over for a BBQ - then right before she is about to arrive send him to the store for a last min. item. This will give you a chance to talk. TRY… I know that you are the one being wronged but she is just being protective of him. AND WHAT EVER YOU DO - DO NOT GIVE HER A REAL REASON TO DISLIKE YOU! Because as of now she is the nut being unreasonable.
PS… If she doesn’t like you because your American that is her problem. Some Americans don’t like Canadians. SHE WILL HAVE TO GET OVER IT - Everyone knows Americans ROCK!
sorry couldn’t help it….
You should call her up and ask her to lunch. Or invite her over to your house, or see if you can come to hers. Just to talk. Then, when you two are alone I would recommend you start out by saying, ‘I just wanted some alone time with you because I feel as though we got off on the wrong foot. I want you to know that I love (fiance’s name here) very much and am looking so forward to becoming a part of this family. I appreciate how much you love and care for both your husband and my future husband and I just want you to know that I hope you and I can also become close too. If you ever need anything, or wish to talk to me, please call or come over.’
Speaking to her like this shows her that you are not the little twit she thinks you are. It sounds like she has indeed taken over the mother role for both boys and has lost sight of the fact that she is not. She is very protective of your fiance because it sounds like he has lost a lot and she doesn’t want him to get hurt again. The best thing you can do is understand this and reassure her that you are in this for the long haul, with or without her approval.
Then, if she persists with the rude behavior you need to take your fiance to the side and let him know that although you love him and his brother you do not appreciate his sister and law and you expect him to stand up for his woman and defend you. If you don’t see him taking a stand for you I would seriously reconsider this marriage. A true man would never, ever let anyone speak negatively about the woman he loves.
Good luck.